


Needle In The Heart

by SadieandJack



Category: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-11
Updated: 2020-11-11
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:34:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27509176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SadieandJack/pseuds/SadieandJack
Summary: Grissom and Sara work and live for each other. Through sickness and health their love is strong.
Relationships: Gil Grissom/Sara Sidle





	1. Blameless

Grissom walked into the locker room seeing me getting something from mine. He looked over at me seeing I was looking at some paper in my hand. I put it back closing the door before looking over at him. He shut his door facing me.

"What?" I asked

"I didn't see you today?" He asked

I straightened my shirt looking over at him.

"You saw me earlier."

"Did I?" He asked, walking over slowly. I backed up as he continued to walk.

"Yes, in the hallway."

"I don't remember that." He said

"In the Tahoe."

"No."

I stopped as he did letting his eyes travel down my body.

"When you woke up this morning."

He shook his head.

"You kissed me."

"Yes, I remember."

I smiled as he did. We looked at each other in silence then he reached over touching my arm.

"You look pretty today."

"Thank you."

"You know you are sexually harassing me." I said

"I don't think it's relevant when it's your wife."

"Inappropriate touching." I said

"I hope you don't report me."

He got closer searching my eyes.

"What can I do to apologize?"

I moved closer kissing him. He put his hands on my arms feeling me move away. I smiled again as he stared at me seriously.

"You are going to be late to your meeting." I said

"Yes dear." He said, smiling moving away from me. He looked at me again before leaving. I sighed missing his touch.

Greg chuckled at me as I dropped the spray of luminal in the garage at the lab. I picked it up seeing him shake his head as he walked by.

"What?"

"You've got it bad." He said

"What do you mean?" I asked

"I've learned a thing about you. You only become a klutz when you are in love with someone."

"That's ridiculous." I said, spraying a car seat.

"Is it?" He said

"Yes."

"When you were dating Hank, you tripped and fell into a lake."

"I tripped because Nick tripped me and I was not in love with Hank."

"What about that other guy…..what his name….the one that looked like Grissom."

I sighed looking at him across from me.

"You mean John Peters?"

"Yes, you started dating him and you cut your hand."

"That was an accident."

"The point is this stuff happens when you are involved with someone."

"Not true." I said, dropping my flash light.

Greg chuckled again as I glared at him.

Grissom walked out of Ecklie's office with Catherine talking. He looked over seeing me walk out of the break room holding a paper towel on my hand as I walked past them to the bathroom.

"Ah Cath, I'll talk to you later." He said, walking down the hallway in the direction of the bathroom.

I winced as the cold water hit my finger cut. Blood kept coming out of the deep wound. I kicked myself for trying to cut my apple with a large sharp knife. I wrapped a clean paper towel around it making my way out to the hallway. As I exited I saw Grissom standing beside the door leaning against the wall holding his papers against his chest. I put my head down pretending not to see him. As I zipped past him he cleared his throat and I froze.

"Hey." I said, turning around looking at him.

"Hello." He said, watching me hide my right arm looking at him.

"So….what's up?" I asked

"Nothing, you?" He asked

"Oh…..nothing." I said, backing up slowly.

"What are you doing?" He asked, walking forwards.

"I was…..getting something to eat."

"Oh, well I need some coffee."

I nodded watching him motion me forwards. I walked forwards holding my hand in my other. We entered the break room where I had left the apple and the knife on the counter. Grissom got some coffee as I threw my apple away cleaning the knife. I realized my towel was saturated with blood so I quickly threw it away. Grissom looked at me as I avoided him. I grabbed another towel wrapping it around my finger.

He sipped his coffee leaning back against the counter holding his papers. I backed away from him to the door.

"I should get back to work."

"What about your apple?" He asked

"I'll eat it later." I said

I turned leaving almost out the door.

"Sara?" He said

I groaned to myself turning to look at him.

"Come here."

"I have to go….do that thing." I said

"Come here." He said

I watched him set his cup down on the counter with his papers looking at me. Slowly I walked over putting my hand behind my back. He sighed looking me over as I came to stand in front of him.

"Yes?" I asked

"Let me see it."

"Grissom."

"Let me see it now." He said, in his boss voice. He held out his hand waiting as I sighed bringing my hand up to him. He slowly took the towel away winching as he looked at my finger. "It's very deep."

"I was going to get a band aid."

"Honey, you need stitches." He said

"Owe!" I cried, as he touched it.

"Sorry…..let's get Robbins to stitch it."

"Gris, I'm f….."

"If you say fine one more time I will make you do paperwork with me."

I shut up as he threw the towel away leading me to the morgue. Moments later I sat on a stool as Doctor Robbins got a needle. Grissom stood looking at me as he crossed his arms over his chest.

"Okay, here we go." Robbins said

"Wait!" I said, making both men look at me.

"What's wrong?" Grissom asked

"I need something." I said

"What?" Robbins asked

"Don't you have anything to numb the spot or something to knock me out?"

Robbins smiled shaking his head.

"No, you'll just have to be tough."

"This is not going to work then." I said

"Sara, hold still and let the man work." Grissom said

I glared at him then I watched the older man hold my hand as he started to insert the needle into my flesh.

"Owe!" I cried

"I hear that you and Grissom will be having a one year anniversary coming up." He said

"Yes." I said, looking away.

"One year is a big one."

"I suppose." I said

"I remember my wife and I spent hours at home. She made spaghetti and we watched a football game."

"Romantic." Grissom said

"We didn't have any money at the time. She wasn't the best cook then either. I remember the noodles were crunchy." He said, as he pulled at the needle.

"Sounds like Sara's cooking." Grissom said

I closed my eyes reminding myself to hit him after this.

"I think it was my tenth. I had her get dolled up and took her to this expensive restaurant then we went to a show."

"Sounds nice." I said

"It was." He said

"Did she become a good cook?" Grissom asked

"The best. She took these cooking classes and now I can't wait to get home."

Grissom chuckled watching the Doctor cut the string.

"Now that looks good, but you need to keep it clean."

"I will." I said, looking at the stitching on my finger.

I watched him put a bandage around the finger then I stood thanking him. Grissom led me out into the hallway. I looked at the white bandage around my one finger then I looked at him.

"You okay?" He asked

"Yeah." I said

He reached up smoothing a finger down my cheek before walking down the hallway. We came home late grabbing some take out on the way home. I ate mine then went to bed. Grissom came in seeing I was moving around sighing as I finally settled on my side. He came to bed not touching me as I moved around again. I moved closer to him flinging an arm over his chest with my head tucked into his neck. He didn't move as I settled down. He swallowed feeling my slow breathing on his neck. Closing his eyes he tried to relax when I moved again this time pushing him off the bed. He stood leaning over me pushing me over to myside. He got back in lying still on his side. I moved my head on the pillow making him look over at me. My arms moved about like I was having a fit.

I moved again this time falling out of bed. Grissom got up turning on his lamp climbing over to look at me on the floor.

"Sara, are you okay?"

I started snoring as I laid on the floor on my stomach. Grissom looked at me deciding to move me back onto the bed. He got over to myside kneeling down lifting me up. I limply laid against him as he lifted me back into the bed. He covered me moving my hair then he got in again turning the light off.

The next day He came out of the living room seeing me yawning as I put on a coat. He walked over kissing my head seeing a slight bruise on my cheek.

"You have a bruise." He said

"I know." I said "Did you hit me last night?"

"No, it might have been from you falling off the bed last night." He said, rubbing my back.

"Did I?" I asked, looking at him.

"Yes."

"Oh."

I walked down the hallway at work seeing Greg coming out of Trace.

"Hey." He said

"Hey."

"I heard Grissom hit you last night." He said, with a smile.

"Grissom would never do that." I said

"Right."

I hit him on the arm taking the paper out of his hands.

I walked into the Grissom's room not seeing him so I went to his shelves with the weird objects in jars. I looked at one with a weird animal in liquid. Grissom came in putting papers on his desk looking over at me in the isle staring at a jar. He walked over making me jump as he touched me.

"Sorry." He said "Are you hiding from me?"

"No, I was looking for you." I said

"For what?"

I pulled him to me kissing him. He moved back smiling at me faintly.

"Is that all, dear?"

"I wanted to tell you that Greg and I have a match to the fingerprint on the car window and Brass is bringing someone in."

"Good, but that is not the real reason we are here."

"No, I wanted to say that I love you and I have to go." I said

He watched me leave then he pulled me back kissing me slowly. I felt him push me up against the wall with his arms around me. I moaned in his mouth enjoying the way he tilted his head to kiss me deeply. We were to wrapped up in each other to notice Greg coming in to find me. He stopped with his mouth open watching us make out.

"Ah…..hello?" He said

Grissom moved looking at him as I recovered. Grissom let me go moving out to his desk as I straightened my clothes looking disheveled.

"Heard of knocking?" I asked

"I did." Greg said "Sara, we need to do an interrogation."

I nodded watching him smile at me before leaving. Grissom sat down watching me get control of myself before walking out.

Grissom slept next to me after work. He didn't wake as I moved around in my sleep. When I moved into his space he moved his head opening his eyes seeing I was up against him with my arm across his neck. He sighed moving my arm back over me. He closed his eyes moving back a little feeling me move taking the blankets off him. He reached over taking the blankets back. He laid back looking at me in the dim light wondering why I was having problems sleeping. He moved closer to me as I moved to my back with my head towards him.

"Ssh, I'm here." He whispered, touching my cheek.

I settled down after that as he watched me a few moments before lying back closing his eyes. When he woke I was up ready to work. He got up dressing coming out stopping as he looked at me leaning against the counter in the kitchen looking paler than usual.

"Sara?" He said, walking over to me.

"Yeah?" I said, as I drank some coffee.

"Are you all right?"

I looked at him seeing he was deeply concerned about me. He touched my head and cheeks.

"I'm fine."

"You're really pale today."

"I am fine." I said, kissing him.

He watched me go past him still concerned. We drove to work and I felt his eyes on me now and again. I got out walking to the front door. Grissom walked over rubbing my back still looking concerned. He walked in with me then I started to go down the hallway.

"Sara?" He called

I turned walking back.

"Honey, are you sure you're okay?" He asked, quietly.

"Yes, stop worrying." I said, smiling.

"I can't help it I love you." He said

I touched his hand then I walked off. I didn't see him all shift. Greg walked with me outside after work talking. Grissom came out seeing I was paler than I was. He walked over waving at Greg. He said nothing as he took me to the car. I got in watching him get in. He turned to me touching my head and cheek again.

"Sara, I am getting really concerned." He said "Your coloring is off."

"I told you I am fine." I said

He stared at me before starting the car. We got home and he started dinner. I laid on the couch watching a movie. He sat down looking at me then he looked at the TV. I looked at him as he watched then he looked back at me.

"You really love me don't you?" I asked

"Yes, I do." He said

I smiled touching him with my foot.

"What do you love the most?"

He touched my leg.

"I love your stubbornness."

"You used to hate it."

"I just told you that because you were doing things that scared me."

I sat up moving over to him touching his cheek. He looked at me as I sat in front of him. I put my head on his shoulder as he put his arms around me.

"I am so lucky to have you." I said

"Me to." He said

I closed my eyes feeling his lips on my head. He looked down at me touching my hair. Grissom woke the next day seeing me still beside him. He moved over putting his arm around me as he kissed my head. He moved back looking at me concerned.

"Sara?" He said "Sara, wake up!"

I moved slowly opening my eyes seeing him leaning over me.

"What?"

"You're burning up that's what!" He said, touching my head.

"We should get ready for work." I said, starting to get up.

"You're not moving." He said, pushing me down gently. He pulled up the blankets getting out of bed leaving the room. I slowly got up moving to the bathroom. Grissom came back in with some water and pills. He looked around not seeing me then he heard the shower being turned on. He set the pills and water down then walked over knocking on the door.

"Sara, let me in."

"It's unlocked." I said

He opened the door seeing the shower door closed with the outline of my body standing underneath the spray. He opened the door seeing me letting the water hit me in the face. He turned off the water as I opened my eyes looking at him.

"Sara, I want you to get back into bed."

"I have a case to handle!" I said

"No, not now." He said, getting a towel. I sighed stepping out wavering a little. He wrapped the towel around me then he picked me up taking me out to the bed.

I laid down feeling the blankets put back on me. He made me take pills and drink water then I closed my eyes sleeping again. He went to work hesitating on staying or not. Later He watched Greg come in looking upset.

"Grissom, you have to talk to Sara."

"Sara?" He said, standing.

"Yeah, she is freaking out in trace."

"I told her to stay home!" Grissom said, walking out quickly.

He could hear me yelling from down the hallway. When he entered he saw several lab technicians standing back looking at me in surprise as I yelled.

"Sara!" He yelled, making me stop to look at him. "Come with me!"

I was pulled out leaving them and Greg. He pulled me into his office shutting the door. I was sweating with fever. He walked over touching my head again.

"Sara, I told you to stay in bed."

"I have a case!"

"No, you have a high fever." He said

"Gris, I am fine." I said, swatting his hand away.

He grabbed my hand looking at the bandage on my finger. He looked at me as I looked at him then my hand.

"Have you been taking care of this?"

"I…."

He carefully pulled the bandage off seeing that my finger was red with pus seeping out of the wound. I swallowed looking down at it then at him. He looked at me not happy.

I was taken to Robbins and sat down. He glared at me as I did him when he saw my finger.

"This looks terrible." He said

"I didn't mean to let it become infected." I said

"Grissom, when I am done. Take her home and make her stay in bed. I will write a prescription for some medicine."

Grissom nodded looking at me. I watched the older man get something out of a cabinet. I watched him get some cotton and pour out some liquid from the bottle. He took my hand placing the cotton on my finger. The burning pain that came with it made me scream out. I tried to focus on anything but the pain. Grissom touched my back watching.

I laid in bed at home as Grissom phoned in the prescription. He walked over sitting down on the bed looking at me.

"You're mad aren't you?"

"Yes I am." He said

I looked away as he reached over touching my head.

"I think we should just take you to the hospital."

"I don't want to."

"Let me decide that." He said

I closed my eyes knowing he was watching me. I woke up a few hours later to burning pain again. Grissom was cleaning my finger. He rewrapped it looking at me as I cried.

He took some time off to take care of me. The medicine helped as well as the cleaning. By the next week I was back to normal. Grissom walked over to the garage I was in working at identifying some small objects I found on a road. He smiled walking over kissing my neck.

"We have rules." I said

"I can't help it." He said

I sighed throwing some tire tread into a box. I turned looking at him.

"So what brings you here?" I asked

"Nothing, I saw you in here." He said

I smiled watching him walk away.

"Hey!" I said

He turned looking at me.

"You have a cute butt."

"Sara." He said, before leaving. I chuckled getting back to work.

Catherine saw Grissom coming out of the garage seeing her walking over.

"Hey, you have a minute?"

"Yes." He said, walking with her.

She brought him into Ecklie's office where some familiar FBI faces stood looking at him. Grissom silently eyed them remembering the last time they interfered and I almost got hurt.

"Gil, you remember agent Culpepper." Conrad said

Culpepper reached out his hand smiling a little. Grissom was poked by Catherine then he reached over shaking the other man's hand.

"Good to see you again." Culpepper said

"Likewise." Grissom said

"I was talking to Ecklie about doing a sting operation. We have a suspect that we believe is hiding here in town."

"I see." Grissom said

"Gil, they want Sara again."

Grissom looked at Ecklie then he looked at Culpepper.

"No." He said "You can find someone else."

"Sara Sidle is just the kind of female our man likes. We can set her in a park and draw him out."

"She could be killed!" Grissom said

"Ask her." Culpepper said

"No." Grissom said, eyeing the man.

"Gil, I think we should help where we can." Conrad said

"I said no!" Grissom said, before leaving.

Conrad sighed watching Catherine leave to follow Grissom.

"I'll talk to Sara."

"Make sure he doesn't know." Culpepper said, looking at Ecklie.

I went into the break room later seeing Ecklie come in.

"Sara, come to my office."

"What for?" I asked

He motioned me out. I walked out slowly wondering what I did. Grissom sat at his desk looking at a pen in his hand. I came in looking at him. He sat back in his chair taking a breath.

"Ready to go home?" I asked

"Yes."

"Well I need to stay over so why don't you go home and relax."

"Why aren't you coming home with me?" He asked

"I thought I would go out with Nick."

"Oh where?"

"He's depressed over Sophia breaking up with him."

"Okay." He said

I smiled walking over kissing him then I walked out. Grissom closed his locker seeing Nick come in opening his locker.

"Hey." He said

"How are you doing?" Grissom asked

"Great, I have a date!" Nick said, smiling.

"You bounce back quickly. I take it you won't be going out with Sara then?"

Nick looked at him confused.

"We didn't have plans to go out."

Grissom looked at him confused then it became clear. Without a word he ran out the door in search of someone.

I walked over to a bench in a park wearing a dress. I sat down sighing as I looked around. Culpeper watched me from a van across the street. Brass sat in a car behind the van waiting. Grissom walked past to the van as Brass got out running over.

"Gil, what are you doing here?"

"Why didn't you tell me?" He asked, mad.

Brass watched Grissom walk over opening the door to the van seeing Culpepper.

"I have come for my wife!"

"She's working, Mr. Grissom." He said

"Now!" Grissom said, making Brass touch his arm. Culpepper was about to answer back when he put his hand to his ear listening to something.

"Okay, we hear someone coming."

Grissom looked over at the park worried as Brass looked over as well. I felt nervous waiting as I heard footsteps coming.

"Hello." A man said, near me.

I turned looking over at the ordinary middle aged man standing by the bench.

"Hello."

"Waiting for someone?" He asked

"Just a friend." I said "You?"

"I usually go walking at this time. It calms the nerves." He said "Mind if I sit down?"

"No." I said, moving as he sat down beside me.

I noticed he was looking at my legs.

"So do you live around here?" He asked, looking at me.

"I…..usually don't give out that information."

"I don't blame you." He said "My name is Harvey."

"Susanne." I said

"Nice to meet you." He said

I smiled nodding.

"Well I should head home." He said, getting up. "Will you be okay?"

"Yeah." I said

"Bye." He said, walking away. Culpepper sighed looking at Grissom and Brass.

I sat back looking around when suddenly someone came behind me putting something like a plastic cord around my neck then pulled it back. I started choking trying to stop this. Culpepper touched his earpiece as Grissom looked at him not happy. He looked back at the screen seeing me sitting back struggling against a man standing behind me.

"She's being attacked!"

Grissom looked into the park then he got his gun out running with Brass into the park. I felt the air escape as I felt the darkness of death.

"Sara!" Grissom yelled

The cord loosened around my neck as the man froze hearing them coming. He let me go running away. I fell to the ground coughing as Grissom and Brass ran over. Grissom knelt down touching my back.

"What happened?!" He asked

I just coughed pointing to the direction the man ran from. Culpepper ran over with his agents.

"He got away!" He said

"After he tried to kill my wife!" Grissom said, standing glaring at Culpepper.

Brass ran back to them with two of his men.

"He's gone."

"All right, let's fan out he can't have gotten far." Culpepper said

Grissom stayed still watching them go past. I watched them go as I touched my neck. Grissom turned kneeling down to me helping me up.

"Are you all right?" He asked, lifting my head to look at my neck.

I leaned against his chest closing my eyes trembling.

"We better go." He said

I let him take me. He and I laid in bed touching each other's faces. He searched my eyes as I searched his. The bruise on my neck was visible. Grissom touched my neck gently as I moved closer pushing my head into his chest. He held me against him feeling my warm breath on his chest.

"So are you still mad?" I asked

"Very." He said

I moved my face looking at him. He kissed my head touching my cheek.

"Are you mad at me?"

"I am."

"Will you forgive me?"

"I think in time I will."

I kissed him feeling him move me onto my back. He moved his head back.

"I feel angry that you lied to me, but I am furious with Culpepper."

"I should have told you."

"Yes, you should have." He said, sighing.

"I promise next time I will."

"There won't be a next time." He said

I watched him a moment knowing it had made him angry.

I walked with him to the lab front doors seeing Ecklie and Culpepper coming out. Grissom stopped as I looked at the two men coming over to us.

"Did you get him?" I asked

"We will." Culpepper said "After the failed assignment last night we are going to try again."

"Not with Sara you're not!" Grissom said

"I did not say we would. I found another woman that fits the profile. We will be trying again and this time there won't be any screw ups." He said, looking over at me.

"What happened to thank you for risking your life?" Grissom said

Culpepper looked at him then he walked past us with Ecklie. I looked at Grissom as he stared at them stone faced then he looked at me putting his hand on my back leading me inside. He left me to work in his office. I was concerned about him, but work came first. Greg and I came back from getting some food from a fast food place down the street. When we came back walking into the break room we heard yelling in the hallway.

"Sounds like Grissom." I said, getting up walking to the door looking out as Greg joined me. He stood in the hallway talking to Ecklie.

"Gil, just calm down." He said

"No, you should have learned from last time not to work with the FBI!" Grissom said

"They will be gone soon. If we can help out then I think we should."

"I will not risk any of my employee's lives!"

"It's not your decision!" Ecklie said

Grissom sighed looking over at us then at Ecklie.

"Fine, but if something happens it will be on your head!" He shouted, walking in our direction. "Get to work, both of you!"

I watched him walk past mad. Ecklie went into his office shutting the door. Greg looked at me taking a breath.

"Wow, I have never seen Grissom that mad before."

"I have." I said, walking past him to eat.

He laid on his couch with the lights off as I came in closing the door. He said nothing as he laid back with his eyes closed.

"Gris, you okay?" I asked, gently as I walked back over to him. "Grissom?"

He made no movement as I knelt down touching his cheek.

"Can you hear me?"

Opening his eyes he looked at me.

"Hey." He said

"So, rough shift?"

"You said it." He said

I smiled rubbing my thumb over his cheek.

"I think I have single handedly excommunicated myself."

"No you haven't. I have seen you do far worse."

He smiled a little.

"I just put in my resignation."

I jumped up looking down at him in shock.

"What?!"

He stood looking at me.

"I decided it was time."

"But….what about me?!"

He reached over touching my cheeks.

"Sara, I will never leave you, but I have come to the decision because I feel as if there are other things I could be working on. I need a change. I have been thinking about this lately"

"You can't go." I said, hearing my voice break. "I need you here."

He hugged me kissing my head as I sniffed against his shoulder.


	2. Blameless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grissom is teaching now and Sara feels neglected. One scene at a house has affected Sara making her run away leaving a abandoned Grissom behind. He turns her away and she goes making a mistake along the way.

I slept in bed as Grissom leaned over kissing my cheek. He moved back looking at me move my hand to my cheek rubbing it before laying my head to the side. He smiled standing moving away to change.

It had been a month since Grissom told me he was quitting. He chose to spend his time doing lectures around the different colleges and planned to go on some digs around the world. I missed him as everyone else did, but I didn't want him to feel bad for leaving.

He came to bed lying on his side trying to sleep. He opened his eyes listening to the silence except for my soft breathing. His mind was restless with the things he had done that day. He moved looking over at me.

"Sara." He said

I moved my head swallowing.

"Sara." He said, louder.

"Hmm?"

"I love you."

"Sokay." I said

He watched me move to my side sighing. He looked at me one moment more then he closed his eyes.

The next day he moved seeing me sitting on his side putting on my shoes. He sat up rubbing his eyes looking over at me.

"Hey." He said

I glanced at him before returning my attention to my shoes.

"Hey, you came home late." I said

"Yeah, I went out to have dinner with some professors." He said

I stood buttoning my shirt. He watched me silently.

"How do I look?" I asked

"Incredible." He said

"Great." I said, then I walked out. Grissom got out of bed walking out seeing I was getting my bag at the front door taking out my keys seeing him walking overlooking rumpled from sleep.

"Don't I get a kiss?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"I'm mad at you." I said, opening the door.

"Why?"

"We had a date last night."

It registered on his face a second later that his schedule conflicted with mine.

"Oh, I…..kind of forgot."

"I know." I said, frowning at him.

"Sorry." He said

"I have to go." I said

"Sara, I am sorry." He said, reaching over touching my cheek.

"This is the third time you said I am sorry. I just wish you would have called or something."

"I promise I will."

"Yeah well don't expect another date anytime soon." I said, before leaving. He rubbed his head feeling bad.

I went to work irritated about him forgetting. The shift was long and when I finished I was very tired. I came home seeing Grissom's car in the driveway. When I opened the front door I heard some soft music playing and the house was lit by candles with rose petals scattered all around the floor leading to the bedroom door. I set my bag down on the dining room table looking at the many candles flickering making the house look like a dream I had once. Only this time I was sure I would not see my mother holding a knife in her hand.

"Grissom?" I called

"Bedroom." He said

I walked slowly to the open door to the bedroom. Stepping in I saw Grissom in bed naked from the chest down covered with a sheet down at his waist. He smiled at me patting my side. On his nightstand there was a bottle of champagne and two glasses.

"What did you do?!" I asked

"I thought I would surprise you." He said "Why don't you take your clothes off and join me?"

I almost laughed at this situation.

"I….Grissom I am really touched, but I am also really tired."

He sighed sitting back looking down.

"I was trying to make it up to you."

"I appreciate this, but I don't think I have the energy." I said, sitting down on the bed looking at him.

I touched his hand then I got up and went to change in the bathroom. When I came out he was gone. I walked out seeing him blowing out the candles wearing pajama pants. He turned off the music looking over at me. I walked over kissing him slowly making it full of love and appreciation. He moved back touching my waist.

"Are we okay?" I asked

"Of course."

"You're not happy."

"No, I'm okay." He said

I touched his bare chest.

"Well let's go to bed." He said

I nodded letting him lead me to the bedroom. I woke a few hours later looking over at him sleeping facing me on his side. His arm was stretched out as if he were trying to reach me. I moved closer putting my head on his arm touching his face. He moved his head stilling. I moved my face between his head and shoulder gently kissing his neck. He groaned moving putting his arm over my back.

"What are you doing?" He asked

"Kissing your neck." I said, muffled.

He kept his eyes closed feeling my soft lips move heating his skin. He moved his head catching my lips moving so I was laying back on the bed. I gasped as he moved his head down my neck hungrily grasping my body.

I moved my leg tangling it with his feeling his heart start to race. He came back to my lips. My heart started beating as fast as his was. Somehow he had taken his and my clothes off. I looked up at him as he leaned over me breathing heavily. He lowered himself resting over me putting his head on my shoulder. I put my arms around him. Closing my eyes I waited for him to make his move. I felt his lips again on my flesh. I moaned trying to make him move against me. He moved looking down at me. In that moment my phone went off.

I hit my head with my hand as it continued to ring. Grissom looked over at my phone on the bedside table next to me. He watched me yank it to my ear.

"What?!"

Grissom sat back watching me as I sat up listening.

"Could…this wait?"

As I listened I fell back onto the pillows sighing.

"Fine, I'll be there."

I threw my phone on the other side of the bed looking at Grissom.

"Why does this happen each time we are fooling around?"

"What's wrong?" He asked

"Catherine needs me to come with her to a scene."

"You better go." He said, moving to his side laying down. I got up looking over at him.

"Will you be here when I come back?"

"No, I have a meeting then a lecture."

I rolled over onto him straddling his stomach.

"You could come home early so we can finish this, because I am still not satisfied." I said, moving my hands up his chest.

"I will try." He said

"You better because all this…" I said, pointing to myself "will be waiting for you."

He chuckled as I leaned down kissing him. We started to make out when my phone rang again. I got off of Grissom grabbing my phone walking to the bathroom.

Catherine and I went to this house on a corner street lit up by police cars. A man covered in blood wearing boxers and a white shirt stained red was talking to a policeman by the front door. I looked at him as he glanced at me and I saw the look of total shock on his face. Brass stood at the door waiting on us.

"This is one that will stay with you for a while." He said

Catherine shined her flashlight in the living room seeing a woman lying in a pool of blood on the floor.

"Is that…intestines?" I asked, looking in horror at the woman's body.

"Yeah, whoever did this wanted to make a statement." Brass said

We walked over looked down at the woman. I winched at the terrible scene.

"What about the husband outside?" Catherine asked

"He's the lover, not the husband." Brass said "He hid under her bed during this."

"Wow, he's a keeper." I said

"When it was over he ran down and called the police trying to help her."

"Shock." Catherine said

"Yeah, and there's more upstairs."

"More?" I asked, looking at him.

"Kids."

"Dead?" Catherine asked

"Very."

Catherine looked at me sadly.

"Sara, why don't you take the upstairs while I take care of this?"

"Okay."

Brass led me up the stairs. On the wood in the hallway I saw bloody footprints and handprints on the walls.

"This looks like a horror movie." I said

"That's what I thought." Brass said, walking slowly to the second door. He stopped looking at me before he opened it. "Prepare yourself."

I nodded taking a breath. He opened the creaking door. The police car lights flickered in the room. I stepped over as he stepped back watching me go in. All at once I froze gasping as I looked at the room.

"Find this person, Brass." I said "Find him because when you do I am going to kill him."

He silently looked at me as I walked in slowly shining my light around. Catherine walked out of the house a few hours later seeing me sitting on the curb next to the Tahoe staring into space.

"You okay?" She asked

"No." I said

She sat down beside me putting down her case.

"Brass told me it was bad upstairs."

"I have never seen anything like it." I said "I wonder how a person can look into the faces of children and just…..slaughter them. Why do people have children?"

"I don't know. I am thankful to have Lindsay and I would never hurt her or let anyone hurt her."

"It makes no sense." I said, looking down at a pebble near my shoe. Catherine touched my back looking around the quiet neighborhood.

"We better get back to the lab."

"Yeah." I said

She stood getting her case as I slowly stood turning to look back at the house. I came back home after shift feeling down about what I saw. Grissom was making something putting it in the oven. He turned seeing me looking pale and sad standing at the doorway.

"Sara?"

"I….didn't think I would see you." I said

"The lecture ended early." He said

I nodded looking down. He stepped closer as I looked at him this time it looked like I was going to cry.

"Honey, what….?"

"I think I want to go to bed."

"Okay."

I walked away as he walked out watching me go into the bedroom shutting the door. I laid in bed a few minutes later hearing the door open. Closing my eyes I pretended to sleep feeling his eyes. He hesitated by the bed trying to think about what to do. When he left I opened my eyes again letting a tear go down my cheek.

The next day he was up before I was drinking coffee in the living room in casual clothes. He looked at me as I walked past him without a word going to the kitchen. He stepped in watching me look for a particular cup in the cabinet.

"Where is my blue mug?" I asked, looking over at him.

"It broke in the dish washer so I threw it away."

"You did what?!"

"It was beyond repair." He said, sipping coffee.

"You threw away my favorite cup!"

"I'm sorry."

"Well now I have nothing to drink coffee out of!" I said, looking around.

"Yes you do. There are mugs in the cabinet." He said, putting his cup in the sink.

"You don't get it! That was the cup I wanted!" I shouted, before opening the cabinet looking at the other mugs. "I don't want these!"

He stepped back as I grabbed one throwing it on the floor making it shatter.

"Maybe this one!" I said, before throwing it.

"Sara!" He said, trying to grab me, but I kept throwing the cups. He grabbed my arms making me stop.

My chest heaved as I tried to breathe. He pulled me out of the kitchen sitting me down in a chair at the dining room table. I put my head in my hands as he knelt down placing his hand on my knee.

"Calm down…..breathe." He said

I let my hands fall to my lap as I tried to calm down. Grissom took my hand rubbing warmth into it.

"Calm down." He said, gently.

Closing my eyes I felt my heart slowing. He touched my cheek as I opened my eyes looking at him. He searched my eyes as I trembled. Feeling my hands shake he looked down at the one he was holding.

"Sara, can you talk?"

I shook my head.

"Please talk to me."

"No." I said

"Why not?"

I took another breath shaking my head as I looked down.

"Okay." He said

I felt him let my hand go standing.

"I'll get you some water."

He walked back into the kitchen. I sniffed getting up walking to the bathroom. Grissom got his phone out as he came out not seeing me.

"Willows?" Catherine answered

"Hey Cath, it's me. I don't think Sara will be in today. She's upset about something."

Catherine didn't speak for a moment.

"Okay."

"What's going on?"

She sighed then spoke. Grissom listened as he looked at the glass of water he was holding.

"Why didn't you call me?" He asked

He hung up sighing as he looked around the room. He set the glass down on the dining room table walking to the bedroom door hearing me throwing up in the toilet. He knocked listening the violent gagging sounds coming from inside.

"Sara, let me in!"

I leaned over the toilet seat breathing in and out fast. Reaching up I flushed the contents inside as Grissom knocked over and over asking me to let him in.

"Go away!" I yelled

"I am not going away!"

I sat back against the wall closing my eyes hearing banging now. He stepped back as I opened the door looking white and sick.

"Are you all right?" He asked

I slowly nodded clutching the wall as I walked past him. He followed me to the bed where I climbed over it lying down on my side away from him. He sat on the bed reaching over touching my head.

"Honey, you're all clammy."

I closed my eyes blocking out him and the world. Sleep soon followed as I laid still. Grissom got up looking at me concerned then he walked out of the room closing the door. Hours later when I woke it was night and Grissom was beside me sleeping. I sat up turning on the lamp beside me watching him move winching then he opened his eyes looking at me.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" He asked, moving to his back.

"Do you….love me?" I asked

He looked at me blinking.

"Of course I love you." He said

"Then come back to the lab."

"I told you I can't." He said, touching my hand. "Sara, I want to talk about something else."

"You would if you loved me!" I said, getting out of bed. Grissom sat up watching me walk around the room.

"Sara, I do love you, but I just can't go back."

"You hardly have time for me anymore!"

"I do." He said

"No you don't! I wait here for you and you're always out with these men eating dinner and kissing butt."

"That is not true!" He said, getting out of bed. "What is wrong with you?!"

"I am overwhelmed and you're not helping me!"

"Sara, I am helping you."

I looked at him seeing he was looking at me as if I had lost my mind.

"Don't look at me like that!"

"What?"

"Like I am crazy!" I said

He walked over touching my arm.

"Sara, I think all this is because of what you saw at that house."

I shook looking down.

"It was horrible."

"I know, Catherine told me."

"Those children were killed by someone that had a heart of stone."

He reached over touching my cheek.

"I see them now." I said, closing my eyes. "There was a little girl that was on the floor hiding under the bed. She was dragged out and…"

"Honey, I understand."

A tear went down my cheek as I looked at him.

"Grissom, I need some time alone."

"I can sleep on the couch." He said, letting me go to walk over to the bed taking his pillow.

"No." I said, causing him to stop. "I mean I need to leave."

"Sara, it is three thirty. I don't want you out this late. Not in your state of mind."

"I need to think." I said

"You're not going anywhere." He said

I sniffed wiping some tears.

"You sleep in here and we can talk in the morning." He said, walking to the door. I watched him leave then I looked at the bed.

Grissom slept on the couch as I tiptoed out into the living room with a small bag holding a note which I put on the dining room table beside my cell phone. I walked back looking at Grissom then I went back to the door leaving.

I drove around crying as I looked for a hotel out of town. Stopping at a fairly decent one I went in getting a room. The morning light was appearing as I went into my room. I was tired and scared thinking about Grissom realizing that I had left him. The pain inside was to great to ignore and I needed a change of scenery. I laid in bed crying then I went to sleep.

Grissom woke feeling rested, but he was worried about me. He got up walking over to the bedroom door.

"Sara?" He called, opening the door seeing the bed was empty. "Sara?"

He came out looking around rubbing his head stopping when he saw my note and phone. He picked the note up reading it.

Dear Grissom,

I know this will worry you, but I needed to go. I need time to think. I have gone out of town and I will return soon once I figure out what to do.

I love you, Sara

Grissom looked at the door then at my phone. He felt pain in his heart knowing I was out there alone. He walked into the bedroom seeing my badge and gun on the dresser. Sitting on the bed he looked down at the floor.

I woke sitting up in the bed looking at the dimly lit wall. I knew that Grissom had been up a good while now and he saw the note. Closing my eyes I felt tears coming realizing I had messed things up.

Five weeks went by and still I had not come home. Grissom checked his phone everyday still worried about me. His sadness had been replaced by anger and confusion. He walked out of the house in a suit ready for a lecture not noticing that I was standing across the street looking at him. He got in his car starting the engine looking around to back up. He looked in his rearview mirror seeing me and his car came to a halt. He got out of the car looking over not seeing me. Taking a breath he slowly got back into his car shaking his head as he continued to pull out. I watched him drive off from my place behind a car.

He didn't come home until eight that night. He parked and got out of his car locking it then he walked to the stairs stopping as he saw me standing at the top.

"Sara?" He said

I said nothing watching him start to climb up. I swallowed as he came to the first step standing in front of me. He reached over touching my hand.

"You're not my imagination?"

"No." I said

I backed up as he came up onto the porch. We said nothing looking at each other. I knew he would probably turn me away, but I had to see him.

"I….had to come see you." I said

"Well here I am." He said

I nodded looking down.

"You look well." He said

"Thanks."

He looked down at the keys in his hand then at the door.

"Do you want to come inside?" He asked

"Okay." I said

He nodded walking over unlocking the door allowing me to go in first. I went in hearing him close the door then I turned watching him come over.

"So…..your back now?"

"Yes." I said

"I suppose you think that I will open my arms to you and welcome you in again?" He said, angry.

"No, I just…..I am sorry."

"Sorry, that is all you have to say?"

"I hurt you and I deserve your anger."

"You deserve a lot more than that!" He said

I looked down as he sighed looking me over.

"How could you run away?"

"I know."

"What do you know?"

I looked at him.

"I know I should have stayed and talked to you."

"That's right, you should have."

"Grissom, what can I do?"

"You needed time alone? Well now I need time alone. I spent five weeks worried out of my mind about you. I didn't know whether you were dead or injured. I could not get hold of you nor did you try once to call me!"

"I know." I said

"You're lucky if Catherine gives you another chance at the lab!"

"I've talked to her already."

"I see." He said

"I'll leave." I said, walking to the door. He looked down with his back to me hearing the door close slowly.

Catherine allowed me back, but I was on probation. I went to stay at Nicks temporary until I found a place or Grissom let me back in.

A few weeks later Catherine sat at Grissom's kitchen counter sipping a glass of wine as Grissom trimmed a fish on the counter. She could tell he was still hurting over me.

"So how's work going?" He asked

"Good, and Sara's doing well."

He looked at her then he went back to cutting.

"I wasn't asking about her."

"I know, I just thought you'd be interested."

"Well I'm not."

He placed the fish in a pan seasoning it then he placed it in the oven washing his hands leaning against the counter as he picked up his glass of wine looking at her.

"Grissom, why don't you call her?"

"No." He said, shaking his head.

"You still love her. I know you do."

He said nothing as he looked down.

"Grissom."

"I will not call her!" He said, setting his glass down leaving the kitchen. Catherine sighed looking at him as he walked into the living room.

Nick came home seeing me on his couch watching TV with a beer in my hand. He set his things down walking over sitting beside me.

"How's it going?" He asked

"Great." I said, staring at the screen.

"Take out?"

"Okay." I said

Nick got up ordering. He watched me come into his kitchen grabbing another beer from the fridge.

"You better go easy on those tonight." He said

"I'm not driving." I said, drinking again. He watched me leave to go back to the couch. After eating a few bites of my dinner I gave up drinking again. Nick watched me get more intoxicated before he stopped me.

"You've had enough." He said, getting up taking the bottle from me.

"I have…not!" I said, getting up stumbling over as he went to the kitchen. I entered it watching him throw the bottle out then look at me.

"Sara, you need to go to sleep."

"No, I…..need you." I said, walking over smiling undoing his buttons. He put his hands over my hands to stop me.

"Sara, you don't want this."

"Come on Nick, stop being a boy scout." I said, moving over kissing him. He pulled me away as I licked my lips.

"Stop this!"

I pulled him to me kissing him passionately. He tried to break away, but I kept a firm hold on him. Slowly he started to kiss me back pulling me to him. Our breathing changed from steady to erratic. He pulled my shirt off as I undid his shirt buttons. He slid us down onto the floor.

Later Nick moved closer to me lying beside him in bed. His arm tightened against my stomach as he sighed. I slowly opened my eyes feeling warm. I placed my hand over his smiling as I closed my eyes again. He groaned kissing my shoulder.

"Hey." He said

I opened my eyes realizing that I was not with Grissom in bed and this was not our house. Nick moved back pulling me to lie on my back. I jumped up holding the blanket to my bare chest looking at him.

"You okay?" He asked

"Um….yeah….I just forgot that I was here."

He watched me look around then back at him.

"We should make a move soon." He said, sitting up kissing my bare back.

"Yeah….I think I'll go take a shower." I said, getting up.

"Want company?"

"No, I'll be fine." I said, holding the sheet to my body. He laid back down smiling at me. I went to the other bedroom shutting the door feeling like I was freaking out. "What did I do?"

Going to the bathroom I shut the door sitting on the commode holding my head looking at the wall in front of me.

"I slept with Nick!" I said, out loud. "What am I going to do?"

When I came back out he was in the kitchen making coffee. He looked at me handing me some toast on a plate.

"You're freaking out aren't you?" He asked

I looked at him then at the toast.

"I guess….a lot."

"I knew you were." He said "I was to."

"What were we thinking?" I asked, putting down the plate on the counter.

"I know. I should have stopped you."

"I messed up." I said

He walked over touching my arm. I went to him letting him hug me.

"I just…want my old life back." I said

"I know you do." He said

Grissom walked into the lab looking for me. He got a visitor pass and walked freely around the lab greeting people. He spotted me into the break room staring into space on the couch as I had a magazine open on my lap. He came in and I jumped up causing the magazine to fall on the floor.

"Grissom!" I said

"Hello Sara." He said

I fidgeted looking down then at him.

"How are you?"

"Um….fine." I said

He nodded noticing how nervous I was.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes, I just wasn't expecting you."

"Well I had some time to kill."

He searched my face as I stood there in silence.

"Sara, could we go somewhere private?"

"Why?"

"I thought we could go somewhere and talk."

"Oh, I suppose we could go to the locker room."

"Okay."

I walked past him out in the hallway. Grissom walked with me looking at me. I opened the door seeing no one was there. Grissom walked in closing the door. I walked over between benches fidgeting again as I looked at him.

"You wanted to talk?"

He walked over watching me back away. I hit some lockers as he stood in front of me. His hands went to my sides. I watched him move closer as his head leaned forwards. His lips touched mine causing me to moan. It was like I was home again. He pulled me closer moving his mouth over mine. I forgot everything after a second. He moved back looking at me. I looked at his lips then into his eyes.

"What are you thinking?" He asked, quietly.

"I…don't know."

He sighed pulling me closer.

"Sara, I need you back."

"I hurt you." I said

"I don't care. I want to forget what happened and move on."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"There's something I should tell you."

"I don't want to know. When I say forget I mean everything before this."

A tear went down my cheek as I looked at him. He wiped it away as I sniffed.

"No, I….should tell you something." I said

"Honey, I don't want to know."

He kissed me again then he led me out into the hallway to the front door.

"You'll come home tonight?" He asked

I nodded letting him hold my hand.

"Yes."

He smiled letting me go to go to his car. I waved at him then I walked back to the break room. I came home dropping my bag at the door. Grissom came out of the kitchen seeing me.

"Welcome home." He said

"Thank's."

He walked over looking at me smiling.

"I have lasagna in the oven. It should take about thirty more minutes."

I moved kissing him firmly on the lips. Our lips smacked together as I fiercely held onto him.

"I….think….we…should move….to the….couch." He said, between kisses.

He led me to the living room falling on the couch as I passionately made out with him. He moved getting comfortable with me on top. He put his arms around me. I heard my cell phone ring. Grissom let me sit up grabbing my phone throwing it across the room. He watched it hit the wall and fall with a crash to the floor. I kissed him again hearing it ring over and over.

Ten minutes later I laid beside him sleeping as he looked at the ceiling looking rumpled. He looked at me as I moved closer to him putting my arm over his stomach. He kissed my head feeling me move again.

"Did you say something?" I asked

"No, I just kissed your head."

I nodded stilling.

"Dinner will be ready soon."

"Mmm." I moaned

He caressed my arm.

"Grissom?"

"Hmm?"

"Will you come back to the lab?" I asked

He stayed quiet as I went back to sleep. He got up to get the food out of the oven. I got up eating then we watched TV falling asleep on the couch again. Grissom was up as I woke the next day. He was talking to someone on the phone then he walked in looking at me.

"I was just about to wake you." He said

I stretched standing noticing he was admiring the way my shirt raised up showing my stomach. I smiled walking over kissing him then I held him as he held me.

"This is day one for us." He said

"I don't deserve you, but I am glad I have you." I said

"I feel the same way."

I stopped smiling as I looked at his blue tie.

"Sara, what's wrong?"

I looked at him.

"I should shower."

"Not until you tell me what is wrong." He said

I sighed touching his black suit coat.

"I was just thinking…..how ugly this tie is."

He looked down at the tie then at me.

"You don't like this?" He asked

"No, it's to dark."

"I'll change it." He said, letting me go to walk into the bedroom. I sighed watching him go.

Nick caught up with me in the hallway of the lab. He noticed I looked sad not happy.

"So did you tell him?" He asked

"No, but maybe I should."

"Trust me, don't say a thing." He said

I watched him walk past thinking about his words.

When I came home he was there reading in the living room. I walked over seeing him in a chair with his book open. He looked up at me smiling.

"How was work?" He asked

"Interesting." I said

He noticed I was limping to the bedroom door.

"What happened?" He asked, standing as he put the book down on the chair.

"Oh, I just sprained my ankle." I said

"Come sit on the couch."

"Gris I need to change." I said

Without word he walked over picking me up taking me to the couch. I sat back watching him lift my leg putting it on his lap.

"Grissom!"

"Ssh." He said, undoing my shoe. I winched moving as he pulled the shoe off taking off my shock looking at my ankle. His hand grazed over the swollen part. "I'll get some ice."

"Can I change first?" I asked

He stood looking down at me.

"Okay." He said

He helped me up taking me to the bedroom. I changed then he helped me back to the couch. I winched as he lifted my foot up onto the coffee table. He went to get the ice as I leaned back on the couch looking at my foot. When he came back he had brought me a glass of juice with some Tylenol and the bag of ice.

"Owe!" I cried, as he gently pulled my foot over to his lap. He sat back beside me putting the ice on my ankle.

"This should help with the swelling." He said

"Thank you." I said

He looked down at the ice then at me. His fingers went over my foot smoothing the skin as he watched the news. I flipped the channel as he cleared his throat.

"Sara, we should talk about something."

I looked at him.

"I talked to Nick." He said

I froze saying nothing. My heart thumped inside my chest.

"He told me what happened."

"He….did….what?" I said

"He told me that he became intoxicated and kissed you."

I sat up staring at him realizing that Nick was putting the blame on him.

"No, that's not….."

"Sara, it's okay. I blame myself for what happened. He just felt guilty and wanted me to know."

"I was intoxicated and I kissed him!"

"What?" He asked, looking at me.

I looked at him then I looked down.

"Grissom, I kissed him and I was the one that was intoxicated."

He nodded looking down at my foot in his lap.

"Anything else?"

"We…..slept together."

He continued to look down. I felt tears forming in my eyes seeing I had stabbed him in the heart.

"Gris, say something."

He shook his head as I sniffed.

"Please….say something."

He looked at me with tears in his eyes. He reached over touching my hand.

"If you had just kissed him it would not have meant a thing, but sleeping with him…..how can we move on?"

"Grissom, I love you. Please just….try to understand!"

He stood up pacing as I sniffed watching him. He looked at me and I was struck by the pain I had caused.

"Sara, I do love you, but I don't think I can deal with this right now."

I watched him turn going to the bedroom. He stopped then he looked back at me.

"I am going to go stay at a hotel."

I wiped my eyes watching him go in the other room.


End file.
